Thank you, Roni @ Fictiongroupie for this fun, awesome blogfest. Yay! This is my first blogfest entry, and I can't wait to see the excerpts everyone else posts today. Everyone should check out the list. It's huge. There are over 90 entries. This 'fest is all about the dialogue...
Here's my clip. Setup: My MC, Emma, speaks to her close friends after she learns that Gabriel (our Hero) is irreversibly bonded to her.
“That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard,” Vi mused. “Makes sense why he didn't want to tell anyone. He was protecting you, if you ask me.”
“I'm not asking you,” Emma huffed. Violet raised both eyebrows in feigned surprise.
“Could have fooled me. Have you talked to Daniel about this yet?”
“Are you kidding? Gabriel's his golden child lately. It would crush him.”
“Well, Gabe suffering in silence until he dies in front of us won't sit too well with him either.”
“What am I supposed to do? Should I give up my life for his life?”
“You know that's not what I'm saying, Em,” Vi snapped, “but maybe we can find some other solution. Dan can do some research...” Both lost in thought, silence stretched between the two.
“I'm terrified of him, Vi.”
“Oh, really? Is that what you tell yourself?”
“What do you mean?” Emma asked as Dave entered the suite he shared with Vi.
“What up, people?” he asked jovially. His smile died as he encountered their sober faces.
“I mean, Emelia,” Vi said sternly, “that there's more between you and Gabe than plain ol' fear."
“Oh, yeah,” Dave agreed. “When you're in the room, he's like a super magnet. You can't keep your eyes off him. Anyone who knows you well can see that. Well, except Dan 'cause he's Dan and only sees you as his little girl.”
“Well, that's ridiculous,” Em said, her voice rising.
“Uh-uh,” Vi shook her head. “If you feel fear, it's not fear of him, Baby Girl.”
“Yep. I'm pretty sure you can slap him around and call him Brenda, and all he'd do is look at you with goo-goo eyes,” Dave laughed.
Emma grunted at him. “Sometimes you are so dumb!”
“Well, enlighten me, then. What's all this about you and Gabe?”
“Oh, Lord! Do I have to go through all this again?”
“No. If you go talk to Dan, I'll catch up the curly-haired midget.”
“Hey now!” Dave scowled. Violet shot him a look so loving it could melt snow. He smiled at her. Emma felt a familiar jab of envy.
“Alright, I'll try to talk to Granddad. That's all I'm promising.”
“Don't give him a heart attack. Be gentle,” Dave quipped.
“And Em, Gabe's a very, very good friend, not just to me, but to all of the team. Yes, even Ray now,” Vi said earnestly, then added softly. “We can't let him die. He's given us too much, saved our happy asses too many times, and he did it all even when we were so cruel to him. In some crazy way, after what you've told me, I suppose he did all this for you.”
Emma left the suite with her head spinning. She could tell her grandfather about the true situation, but he'd be hurt to know either Gabriel would die or his precious Emelia would suffer for him to live. He couldn't even stand for her to associate with the Aegis, as much they meant to him, preferring nice boys for her to date. She honestly didn't know how she could get up the nerve to discuss it with him anyway. It had taken her three days to work up to Vi and Dave. In the meantime, she'd steered clear of any place she could run into Gabriel.
Very nice! This sounds like a really interesting story, it makes me want to know more. And to meet Gabe!
ReplyDeleteHehe already gave you my comment but just wanted to say hi anyway (and thanx for joining me on my blog!)
ReplyDeleteNice angst...fave line...“Yep. I'm pretty sure you can slap him around and call him Brenda, and all he'd do is look at you with goo-goo eyes,” Dave laughed. Keep it up Angela!!
ReplyDeleteI'm a little confused since I don't know why this bonding thing is bad. But awesome characters! I've got a clear picture of this whole scene in my head!
ReplyDelete~Lia
@Bookewyrme: Hard to tell from this clip alone why it's bad, but here's the scoop. Emma is human, but Gabriel is an alien whose kind is at war with the humans. This equals a big, bad idea (well, except Gabe is strong and sexy, but still sweet). The Books link at the top of the blog has a bit of a synopsis.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading my clip! A lot of my characters are very real to me because I pick up pieces of them from my friends.
I almost feel like I know Gabe better than any of the other characters just from the dialogue! Nice job :-)
ReplyDeleteI love the way this ends....nice conflict!
ReplyDeleteWell done. I like the different voices in the conversation. I just have to say -- I, as a woman, have never grunted at a man before. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteHehe. I do it, but maybe that's the Sailor talking :) Emma has a habit of it when she's irritated.
ReplyDeleteExample from later in the story:
“So, Emelia. I heard that Sol called on you today,” he started. She grunted, unladylike, at him.
“Heard about it before it happened, you mean?”
He cleared his throat. “Well… anyway, he expressed that you might be willing to assist him with Forest Grove's recent loss.”
I like these characters, and the premise here. Nice job with the dialogue.
ReplyDeleteGreat scene! The dialog was upbeat and jovial, even though the situation seemed serious. For this reason, I pictured teens talking to each other. Nicely done :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know how I missed your entry on the 18th. So glad you connected with me on my blog so I could find and read it!
Puff! Puff! Takes a long time to read all these entries, but I'm glad I came across yours. Your dialogue has sparkle. Love it. Good characterisation. Want to know more...
ReplyDelete