Sunday, July 18

Blogfest of DEATH!

First of all, I miss all of you Awesome Bloggers!  I sincerely wish I could get to your blogs where I'm at, but it's impossible to view more than a couple of them.  I have a difficult enough time loading just the Google search page.  In fact, I'm now writing at 0330 after having been awake for over 26 hours.  Yeah, fun.  But on the bright side, I've had some really awesome experiences. 

If you'd like to see where I'm at just Google "Rimpac 2010" or USS Benfold Rimpac or anything along those lines.  I'll attempt to get a blog post in tomorrow as well with some crazy pics of our missile shoots.  We had a film crew onboard, and you'll never guess who I got to hang out with all day!  And yes, I'm sorry, but I'm leaving you hanging.  I'm waiting to get pics in the right format to post.  Anyway, without further ado...

I've been waiting for this Blogfest forever.  Seriously.  I cannot wait to read the entries for this one.  Thank you Tessa for hosting this fantastic Deathapalooza.  Please visit the other Blogfesters' links on Tessa's site.

My entry is from my first MS, The Elder, a paranormal romance with some sci-fi.  Gabriel is an alien who has a keen interest in the MC, Emma.  She's been away at Dayspring, a neighboring settlement, which is now under heavy attack by another race of aliens, the Vamphyri.  In this scene, he heard her scream so he knows she's nearby, but he hasn't found her yet before he encounters a few of his enemies.

Gabriel crouched low underneath one of the long, open tinted-glass windows, closing his eyes to sharpen his other senses. He detected her scent, light and floral, and strained to hear her voice. She remained silent, spiking his desperate need to find her. Was she unconscious, lying somewhere in there bleeding to death? The thick stench of death blotted out any chance of finding her by a blood trail, and her scent lingered all over the room. He assumed her office had to be in this building.

Creeping to a shattered doorway at the side of the building, he listened for the Vamphyri's movements. He counted three in the immediate room with no detectable human life and another squad of undetermined quantity on some level above them, still fighting judging by the gunshots.

Waiting patiently, he entered as one of them walked unwary across the doorway. One brutal pass of his black carbon blade severed the creature’s spine and gouged its airway. A faint gust from its throat alerted the two remaining Vamphyri. He dropped its body carelessly to the ground as they moved toward him.

Frenzied screeches raked at his sensitive ears as they leaped at him, their movements blurry with speed. Gabriel dodged to meet one of them midair, twisting to bring it to the ground. He knew he had to dispatch this one right away. The creatures weren't exactly known for fair fights, and they could overpower him together if he wasn't careful. Grappling with the thing's arms, he used his knee to pin it down at the hips. His claws were useless restrained as they were. Instead, he worked at flipping the Vamphyr to its belly to get a constriction hold on it without getting his throat ripped out by its clashing fangs.

To his advantage, the vamp had been shot a few times, enough to slow the healing process down, and in its weakened state, he turned it, sliding one arm over it's left shoulder and the other arm under his right. He rolled, his opponent still trapped but struggling in his grip, to counter the second vamp's clawed attack. Gabriel grunted in pain as the claws caught the side of his right forearm, slicing it wide open, before gouging deeply into the restrained vamp. It shrieked again, piercing into his ears painfully. He squeezed tight, then tighter, breaking the blood flow, still keeping its body between him and the second one. Just a little more. Within a few seconds, he burst the monster's heart.

He dropped it to the floor, knowing he would have time to remove its head before it rose again. As long as he could take out the last Vamphyr. It screamed its fury at him, its needle teeth and half of its face dripping blood and gore, white lips drawn back almost to its jaw bones. Gabriel wondered at how he could be in any way related to this thing, an empty shell, nothing inside save base instinct.

With their eyes like black orbs, it was near impossible to tell which way a Vamphyr would move, unlike humans who give their intentions away so easily. Gabriel watched for the minute muscle movements that would eventually give the thing away, but finally tired of waiting, he sprang forward head on, then ducked down and to the side as the vamp moved to meet him. It tumbled over his legs, but immediately rolled into a defensive squat. Surprised, Gabriel rose to face his opponent, absolutely the fastest damn vamp he'd ever encountered.

Given no other choice, he reluctantly went in for a direct brute strength approach. He hoped that he was the stronger one of the two. At this point, he didn't have the time to waste on strategy while more Vamphyri lurked above him and Emma hid who knows where in the building among them, alone, terrified, and defenseless. His urgency to find her lent him an energy and power he hadn't felt since before he'd ever met the humans.

Gabriel roared in fiery rage as the two seized each other's arms, both pushing to keep the claws and fangs away from their throats. Minutes passed as their bodies tossed and tumbled in their struggle. As they neared the wall, the Vamphyr pushed Gabriel sidelong onto a broken pipe, shoving it part way through his chest between the armor plates of his vest. The anguish forced his arms close in. The vamp took advantage of the slip, digging its teeth into his shoulder, just missing his throat by inches. Gabriel bit back a cry of pain, pushing against the vamp with every bit of muscle, his teeth clenched tightly. Then the thing slumped against him.

He straightened in shock, shoving it away and pulling himself free of the pipe. Bewildered, he looked down at the rag doll at his feet. It had a large hole at the back of its neck, nearly lopping its head from its body. His eyes focused on the doorway, where a very proud of himself Bozant stood with his monstrous plasma gun over one shoulder, a thumb’s up toward Gabriel, and a wide, swaggering grin on his face. Gabriel didn't think he'd ever been so glad to see a human. He smiled, one hand over the wound in his side, and limped over to the doorway where the rest of the team took cover against the wall.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the Death and Dismemberment.  I know it's a little on the long side, but at least you get three for the price of one.


  1. There's certainly a lot of action here, and I liked that. Just a couple of points: "a faint gust from its throat"- this is sufficiently close to gush to be confusing, and in any case feels slightly too elaborate. Through the rest of it too, there are a few moments that seem just a touch overwritten, which given how good the rest is seems a pity.

  2. LOL, thanks Stu. I can see line edits that need to be done here. I know this sounds gross, but I've seen throats cut and they actually sound like that, a wet gust. Humans make sounds like dolphin noises. I can't listen to dolphins anymore without feeling nauseous.

    If you ever get a moment or two, It'd be nice if you could email me ( more specifics on the parts you felt were overwritten. I don't have many writerly friends where I'm at. Plenty of readerly friends, but they only give me one view as far as feedback goes. I tell them to be brutal, but they aren't, though I assure them I like the bad news and the good news. You can't improve without both. Thanks for following and checking out my blogfest post.

  3. That's a great entry! Well written, clearly imaginable. I loved reading it and didn't want to stop!

    I agree with Stu. Faint gust stopped me cold because gust is so similar to gush (for a moment I thought it actually read faint gush.)

  4. I'm a sucker for fight scenes, otherworldly or not. Great sequences.

  5. I like that Stu has given you some real critique. Sometimes I think we are all so nice that we're not really helping. If everyone just says 'woo, wonderful!' we might believe our work doesn't need the 'red pen.' However, your piece isn't my favourite genre, but I can say it has some great moments of description, but yes, a tad overwritten in parts as Stu said..:)

  6. Very cool fight scene. A bit longwinded (kind of reminds me of some of my stuff) and the others are probably right in saying that is a bit overwritten in a few spots.

  7. Love the name Gabriel! And I like that you mixed aliens and vamps. Cool concept and great entry! :)

  8. Well this IS my genre. Great action. Looks like the others have you handled. Overall enjoyed myself.

  9. Wow action packed and lots of death and dismemberment going on there! It's a great scene though I have to agree on the slightly overwritten comment above. Nothing that an edit wouldn't fix, though!

    Thank you for joining my Blogfest, I hope you had fun (even though your internet connection is dodgy).

    So who did you meet? You never said!



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